Struggling with attention

On my tenth birthday, my parents gifted me PlayStation 3. And ever since, I could not get my hands off it. I used to play tirelessly, losing track of everything else. It was my most precious possession during the teenage years.

I used to get one game every year. I played it until I finished the main campaign, performed all the side missions, and won all the trophies. I speed-ran my first game “Ratchet & Clank: Tools of Destruction” like 25 times.

During the summer break of 2015, I got “The Last of Us”. My sole concern was to make the game last because I won’t get another anytime soon. So, I decided to limit myself to two hours of gameplay each day. Couldn’t stick to the limit and I finished the game within eleven days.

Fast forward to today, I have like a hundred games in my PS5 library. Most of them are untouched, and the ones I did play, barely made it to the end of the story.

I rarely make any time to play and even when I do find that one lucky hour, I seldom find myself immersed in the game. Usually, I’m just distracted by work or my phone.

And this is video games we’re talking about — enjoyable and effortless. Let alone the hard things like writing this article.

So what happened in these past years? Why am I unable to focus on the things that I genuinely care about?

Well, I think the reason is that there’s just too many things I care about now. I’m dabbling with multiple projects, there’s a bottomless pit of content, and of course, a constantly buzzing phone.

Allotting time to one thing means taking it away from something else. So there’s always a feeling of guilt, a feeling of losing out, trying to steal my focus.

When I’m working, I see all these books on my shelf asking me to read them. When I pick one up, I get reminded of an unfinished mission from God of War Ragnarök. Immersed in an intense fight sequence, a single notification from my phone is enough to grab my attention and I pause the game to check that crappy snap from one of my friends.

The chain goes on and on and there’s not a single thing that I fully enjoy or feel satisfied with.

So, is there a solution? Not one that I know of. It’s an ongoing battle for now. I have, however, tried a couple of things that help improve the situation.

Reducing distractions

I’ve blocked most of the notifications except the essential ones. This resulted in dropping my daily phone usage from 5+ hours to under 3 hours.

I actively try to avoid watching reels, posts or stories on Instagram. This reduces some of the anxiety as I don’t have to think about other people and the world as much.

Dedicating time

I dedicate time slots for different tasks. For example, 11AM to 2PM on Sundays is allotted to writing this newsletter. 8PM to 10PM is my time off work, no matter how important.

This way, I know what I need to do at a given time and my mind does not wander around. It’s kinda effective.

Caring less

I am consciously trying to become careless. I’m trying to forget things, to stop predicting the future and to be more present. Letting a few thoughts slide off my head is better than letting these moments pass away.

Sure the struggle with attention is real, but some things still take my breath away. For example, my mind never deviates during a good conversation. Hopefully, it stays like that at all times and I get back the focus of fifteen year old Aachman.

Am I the only one experiencing this? Or do you struggle with attention too? Let me know by replying to this email.

Good luck!
Aachman