80 posts down and it’s still as hard to write as it was on day one. I rarely feel at ease when I write, and almost never satisfied with the piece I’m about to publish. Publishing is such an overwhelming experience, I’d chant affirmations in my head as I hit the publish button. And after that, it’s a battle between two feelings — “dang it people will read this!” and “dang it nobody’s gonna read this!”. But yeah well, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Today it feels exceptionally hard though. My mind is empty, out of thoughts. I don’t have anything to say it seems. And I know the reason for this — busyness. I’m busy working, yes, but also there’s so much traffic in my head. It’s going in all the directions and I just can’t focus. My mind is keeping busy because a lot is happening. There’s just so many micro-decisions I’m taking that there’s no bandwidth to think on subjects I’d like to write about.

It’s not very hard to keep going this way. Keeping yourself busy not only makes you feel good about yourself, cause you’re productive, but also helps you avoid uncomfortable thoughts. Thoughts like where you’re headed and why you’re doing all this. Or a simple one like, do you like it?

I wouldn’t be thinking about all this either, if I weren’t forcing myself to write every week. And even though these feel like a waste of time, or distraction, or an excuse to procrastinate, these kind of questions deserve your answers. Avoiding them is comfortable for now, but soon years and decades pass, and you wonder why you don’t feel very fulfilled.

I’ve seen busy people. I’ve read about highly productive people. Something that’s common among all of them is their perspective towards time. Basically, how they view and use time. Time is a resource and should be used wisely, with maximum efficiency.

So, not only they work productively, they play and recharge productively as well. Weekend Yoga retreats, 45-minutes gym sessions, 10-day Euro Trip — just get the most out of the little time you have.

I don’t know if it works for them, but I find it amusing. Making the most out of your work hours is smart. But doing the same with the rest of your time isn’t very smart. Your time off isn’t about making the most out of it. It’s not about learning Yoga in one week or clearing your mind with the perfect morning routine. It’s about doing nothing, letting things happen, living from moment to moment, just being.

When you’re working, be productive. When you’re not, be lazy. Go ahead, waste your time ;)

💭 Aphorisms

I’ll catch you next week :)
Aachman