Irrationally Hopeful

Last week, I visited an eye specialist. Every time I stared at a screen, I felt fatigue in my eye muscles. As a result, I had trouble focusing for a big part of the day. The doctor seemed indifferent, “It’s nothing! Here, take these drops, close your eyes every 20 minutes, and try blinking more.” I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t. I never had to deal with this tiredness, this blurry vision before. It wasn’t as simple as he made it sound, I thought.

In addition to his remedies, I decided to take a break from screen. I didn’t watch TV or use my phone, and I only worked for some two hours a day with repeated breaks. If this didn’t help, I would have consulted him again, and probably buy a pair of glasses too. And that’s what I imagined happening since nothing changed for the first couple of days.

I was trying to find plausible causes for this while preparing my mind to adjust with the fact that I won’t be able to watch a movie comfortably ever again. And then all of a sudden, it fixed itself! Yesterday I pulled an entire workday and watched TV for an hour at night. No blurriness, no strain, nothing at all. I completely forgot how it used to feel just a few days ago.

I wouldn’t imagine it getting fixed so soon. There’s absolutely no reason I can think of for it all to work out. But you know what that teaches me? That even though I can’t explain a situation, even though I can’t conceive any possible solution to my problems, they do get fixed.

We have very little ability to predict how time unfolds. It can unfold in bizarre ways and put us in places we wouldn’t dare let our imagination creep in. But, that’s when I would like to give myself the permission to hope. To hope irrationally. To hope for the most outrageous things, the most dreamiest of places, the most beautiful people, to hope for those pleasant accidents that change life forever.

I have realized that life is inherently uncertain and the possibilities are boundless. Anything can happen, anything at all. And if that’s the case, why not hope for the best possible outcome? Why bound it with reason and logic? Why spiral down looking for the cause when you can swim in the knowing that it’ll all work out?

Can’t believe what was my biggest problem until yesterday, I forgot about it in an instant. My mind now hops to other problems. Guess that’s how we’re all wired, always looking forward. But this time, I am am more hopeful :)

I’ll write to you next week,
Aachman