Internal Seasons

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that why do I feel like a sloth sometimes and other times like a horse? Some days I feel energetic and happy, the days when I feel invincible and don’t fear any problem. Then there are some when I’d feel unmotivated to do even the easiest of tasks.

From the past month or two, I’m waking up before 7AM. Without any effort or even intention. But earlier it used to be a daily struggle to negotiate myself out of bed. My eyes wouldn’t cooperate until it was 8 in the morning.

Around the same timeframe, my TV consumption has dropped to zero. I’m not an avid consumer but I liked to watch a couple of episodes with my meals. But now I just stopped. No reason, and again, no intention either.

This is not me adopting “good” habits. This is me naturally aligning to the season change. Not the external season change from Autumn to Winter. But my own internal season change.

It’s a peculiar concept and isn’t backed by logic. It’s just an observation that I’m trying to explain with the metaphor of seasons. Just like trees shed their leaves during Autumn and flowers blossom during Spring, we naturally drop or adopt new habits. This internal season change brings new routines, inspirations and a different state of emotional equilibrium.

We change, naturally, effortlessly, unintentionally. But I coined the term ‘season’ and not simply ‘change’ or ‘growth’ because I feel this change isn’t permanent. It is cyclic — old habits and routines return. One day, my early bird streak will break. And sooner or later, I will start a new sitcom.

Of course with enough will power and discipline, we can bring about a more permanent change. But that comfort, that ease diminishes with time. At least that’s what I have noticed.

Now if you can somewhat relate to this concept, you will be able to take it to your advantage. You will be able to wait for the right season without beating yourself up. And when it does arrive, you will be able to accept the changes it brings and align yourself with ease. You will find yourself doing hard things effortlessly. You will blossom.

Does this make sense? Or am I making stuff up? Either way, you can let me know by replying to this email or commenting on the website.

Night night,
Aachman