Beginner Again

This month feels like pushing a heavy rock. You’re making the effort, but it doesn’t move.

I began working on my new project Ingenuity, and it’s more demanding than I anticipated. I’ve been working every day, putting in the hours, researching, thinking about it every waking hour and sometimes even during sleep. Yet, I fail to see any tangible progress.

There’s this doc that I am preparing as the first step in this journey. When I pulled up Notion and started typing, the first thought that came to my mind was “Okay I have it all in my head, this can’t take more than two hours”. And here we are, 18 days later, just half way through.

No, I’m not procrastinating. I am working and I am trying my best to speed things up. But nothing helps. I type something, and then remember that there’s this one other thing I need to figure out. Before I know it, the day is over.

Moral of the story — even this first step, this simple document, is taking me a month to draft. How do I expect to finish the whole project in this year?

But here’s the thing, it has always been like that. Every time I start something new, it takes time, much much much more time than I think it would. But once I’m through, something changes inside me. I become better than I was before, and that was the point of spending all that time. Not just finishing the task, but bringing a transformation.

When I started writing my first blog, I had no idea how I’d go about it. I just opened my laptop and started typing. I thought a thousand words were a lot, until I wrote them and realized that I haven’t even finished the introduction. This was an exciting and painful revelation. Took me about 8 months to finish the blog with 18,000 words.

During these 8 months, I’d constantly wonder why it is taking so much time. Why does it have to be so much work? Can’t I speed things up? Why am I so slow to come up with the right words?

What felt like excessive time spent on a single project, actually taught me how to write. From that point on, I’ve been writing these letters. Every week, for almost two years now. This wouldn’t be possible if I hadn’t given my first writing project ample time.

Sentence by sentence, things shifted inside me. Slowly, for eight months. Until all of a sudden, I could just write.

Another story I like to comfort myself with is my fitness routine. Every day I exercise. Same stuff, same effort. Little to no progress for months. Then all of a sudden, I’m able to do 250 squats, all of a sudden I’m able to hold plank for 8 minutes, all of a sudden I’m able to do elbow lever.

It always feels like all of a sudden — like finding the key to a locked door you’ve been pushing hard to break open. But it never is. Your work is just adding up in the background. Transforming you. Slowly.

Now once again, I’m at the beginning of a transformation. It will take time, but I will get better. And once I reach the other end, I will become the person I want to be, the person I’m meant to be.

What I’m trying for is a lifestyle change. I’m already waking up early. Further want to build a productive routine around Ingenuity. Hope I get there soon :)

Do you have a story of transformation? Something that changed you from inside out? Let me know by replying to this email or commenting on the website.

See you next week!
Aachman